Blade and Rifle
by oceanprism
Summary: Being alone is painful, especially when you've known love.
1. Chapter 1

1

"Mami-san, you live alone?" Madoka asked, somewhat surprised and saddened. Mami was not much older than she was, and yet she lived in an apartment without any friends or family.

"Yes," the golden-haired girl smiled, and for a moment Madoka thought she could see a twinge of sadness run through her face. But she pushed a plate full of pink and yellow cupcakes towards her, and before she could say anything more, Sayaka was digging in and exclaiming loudly about just how delicious they were.

"Aren't you going to have one too, Madoka?" Mami smiled enigmatically, looking at the pink-haired girl with a peculiar fascination.

"O-oh right!" she blushed in embarrassment a bit. "I'm sorry, they do look so delicious." And it was, she thought, savouring it slowly.

This was their second visit to Mami's apartment. She was always so generous and welcoming, making far more food than any of them could hope to eat in one sitting. But she always set some aside in a rather large gift box before bringing the tray to the table.

"Hey, Mami-san, who are you taking those sweets to?" blurted Sayaka unthinkingly, licking the icing off of her lips and patting her very full stomach. She laughed, good-naturedly, teasing her new friend; "You have a boyfriend or something? Why the fancy ribbons and paper? Can we meet him?"

But Mami frowned, and the room became icy for a moment. "It's none of your business." She lowered her eyes, blushing.

"I - was just curious," blinked Sayaka. She laughed again, trying to break the awkward silence, scratching her head embarrassedly. "I guess I was hoping they might be for me. Your baking is heavenly." Madoka nodded her head vigourously in agreement.

Mami's expression softened quickly, and she quickly took Sayaka's hands into her own. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that so coldly. You could say they're for an old friend. I'm not sure that we're friends anymore, but tradition is tradition."

"Tradition?" Sayaka muttered. "But if you aren't friends anymore, why do you take them sweets?"

Mami half-smiled, idly stirring her tea. "So she won't forget."

* * *

Night had fallen, and the other girls had returned to their homes. She had given them treats to take too, of course. As much as she hated being alone, she feared for the girls. Becoming a puella magi was no small deal, and even she was running low on grief seeds. She had to be sure they were kind, first; that they wouldn't become competitive and harm each other.

Near midnight, she wandered out to her balcony with the gift box of candied apples and cupcakes, kneeling to set it down. She was relieved to find that Kyuubey was nowhere to be seen; she had no desire to speak with anyone right now. The night sky was incredibly bright with stars, even despite the light pollution of the city. It was a full moon, and Mami sat and leaned back to gaze up at it in awe.

This really has become a tradition, she thought to herself, pulling the ribbons out of her hair and letting her pigtails unfurl. Every weekend I set gifts on my balcony, yet I never stay to look at the sky. "It's magnificent.." she muttered quietly to herself, laying back and humming a little tune.

"What's so magnificent?" came a familiar voice. There was a clang of footsteps and the rushing sound of a great deal of hair being flipped as the figure leapt from the roof above and landed on the balcony behind her. "I was wondering why you were never around when I came to collect your food."

Mami sat up quickly, refusing to look over her shoulder, and bristled. "Kyouko."

Kyouko walked over to her, a piece of pocky dangling out of her mouth casually. "I didn't think I'd see your face again."

"This is my apartment," Mami smiled coolly.

"But you hate my guts," Kyouko pouted, nabbing the gift box and plopping down to sit cross-legged beside Mami as she gazed marvelingly at the contents.

"Do I?" said the other girl, faintly.

"Do you?" the redhead snapped incredulously. "You told me you'd kill me if I didn't leave."

"You still haven't left," noted Mami. Kyouko ignored the remark and bit into a candied apple, her empty stomach aching less already. "It's my fault. I keep feeding you, and you keep coming back like a wild animal who's grown spoiled."

Kyouko glared, but only half-heartedly and took another bite from her apple. "Are you gonna call animal control on me, then?"

Mami rolled her eyes. "We see each other for the first time in a year, and this is how it goes, is it?"

"Guess so." Kyouko couldn't hide the sadness in her eyes, now. "I think I'm too fond of you to leave, really. Even if you seriously did want to kill me. You're too sweet, pigtails."

Mami raised her eyebrow. "Pigtails?"

Kyouko grinned. "You took 'em out, but your hair's still all curly from them." She ran her hand gently through the other girl's hair, dropping her apple back in the box and smiling her lop-sided smile.

The blonde blushed, grabbing hold of Kyouko's hand and clinging to it for dear life. "I've missed you. I can't let you stay, but I miss you, and I need you, and I need you forever. And I can't. And it hurts too much to see you, so you aren't allowed to stay here." Tears started rushing like a waterfall and she threw her arms around Kyouko's neck, kissing her suddenly. Kyouko's eyes grew wide, and her cheeks reddened as she embraced Mami fully, her own eyes growing heavy with tears. They pulled away from the kiss, and she traced her fingertips over Mami's own.

"I get it." Kyouko sighed. She couldn't allow Mami or herself to despair. Sadness made the clouding of the soul gem happen faster, and if either of them were to die, it meant leaving the other alone in the world. "I don't have anyone else either. Neither of us have family or friends. If we're both here, we have to compete for soul gems, because there aren't enough for the both of us in one district. Knowing you are safe here, that's enough for me right now. I'll have to pretend to myself that it's enough, and I'll pretend to you that I'm okay." She stood to leave, but Mami caught her by the hand, nodding.

"Won't you at least stay the night?"


	2. Chapter 2

2

_one year before_

"You're really cute, you know. But you can't stay here."

"Why not?" Mami clutched her suitcase, shaking. She had only just contracted with Kyuubey, and having no family left, had no place to go.

"Because this is my shelter, duh. Go find your own." Kyouko was peeling a potato. She nicked one of her fingers and sucked at the tip with annoyance.

"But I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I've never been alone before.. You're the only girl I know who lives alone and -"

"Look, pigtails. I've only got enough food for one person -"

"And I've got enough for far more than one. It's part of my magic, actually," Mami curtsied, assuming her magical girl form and with a whirl of gold ribbons, conjuring real sweets and cupcakes so plentiful they filled the small table in the redhead's shabby trailer.

"H-how did you?"

"Don't play dumb, I know you're a puella magi too. Kyuubey told me. I've seen you." Mami's confidence shakily returned to her as she whipped a cup of tea out from her sleeve, sipping at it with a sly smile. She was already enjoying this ability.

Kyouko's face reddened, and she glared at the cupcakes in astonishment. "Are you trying to make me fat or something?"

Mami stifled a giggle. "Just eat. I know you must be starving."

Kyouko dug in without hesitation. "Why are you doing this for me?" she raised her eyebrow

Mami simply smiled. She'd knew there was far more to her than the arrogance she wore as a shield. She planned on cracking through that shield to find the real Kyouko Sakura.

* * *

The gunfire echoed through the ancient hall, and the dust and illusions quickly faded away, swirling away in the vortex of wind Mami had made with spinning ribbons. Kyouko leaned against the wall, badly wounded and panting.

"Kyouko!" she cried, rushing over to her and supporting her carefully, tears filling her eyes. "I can't lose you."

"I'm not - going anywhere," Kyouko panted, stumbling along and leaning into Mami's shoulder. "I'll be better in no time," she winced.

"How did you ever manage before me?" the pigtailed-girl smiled softly, half-serious. "You've always had to look out for yourself. You must have been so lonely.."

"I'm used to being alone," Kyouko muttered.

"You aren't alone anymore, silly. But if we are going to live together, I think we are going to have to find a nicer place. Your little shack is too cold and dirty. You can't recover there. You're going to catch your death of cold and then I'll be the one forever alone."

Kyouko stuck out her tongue, but the seriousness of what Mami was saying struck her. "Yeah, we better find a place."

* * *

"See, this apartment is perfect!" Kyouko grinned, unrolling a small carpet and admiring her work on the walls that she had spent all night painting. "It's ours now. Who knew Kyuubey was a real estate agent too?"

"Yes," beamed Mami, laying her head in Kyouko's lap. "I love what you've done with it. I never guessed that a girl like you might be so talented."

Kyouko almost growled, but she knew that she was only being teased, and Mami's laughter simply made her blush. And something else was bothering her, too.

"I'm out of grief seeds, Mami.."

Mami shifted uncomfortably. They'd become lazy and somewhat careless, even after being admonished by Kyuubey several times. "I don't have any either."

"And here I was thinking we were an ordinary couple," Kyouko sighed. "Guess we've gotta go hunting."

"Guess so," Mami whispered sleepily. Her limbs ached, and except for Kyouko, the world was turning fuzzy.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

"Are you sure you want to - oh -"

"Shh, shh, my precious Kyouko -"

"Mami!"

"Mmf-"

"I like kissing you."

"I like everything with you."

"I even like myself when I'm with you. Please don't leave me."

"I won't."


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

Blade and rifle were crossed.

"It's peculiar that it's come to this. You humans are so fickle. One moment you are finding a living space together and becoming mates, the next you are trying to kill each other. It's truly fascinating, that you should resort to violence over something so trifling as a grief seed." Kyuubey blinked, that ever-present smile unwavering on his otherwise expressionless face.

"Are you kidding me?" shouted Kyouko, hurling herself to the other side of the roof they stood on in a flash of red light, and swiping at the small creature. "Grief seeds keep us alive."

"But that's not why we're fighting," shouted Mami, incredulous. "At least, it's not why I'm fighting with you." She bit back tears.

"You told me you'd kill me if I didn't leave, and pointed your rifle at me." Kyouko glared, looking betrayed. "It's only natural I'd draw my weapon too." She dropped her spear and detransformed, walking up to Mami and holding the end of the rifle to her chest. "If you really want to kill me, go ahead. I don't want to be alone again."

Mami shook violently, her face filled with sadness. "Can't you see, Kyouko..? You have to leave." She dropped her rifle and detransformed too. "I never should have drawn my weapon on you but - see what we're turning into? This is the way of puella magi - our hearts turn to greed and jealousy and we become competitive against our will. I love you too much to let us fight like this. If we stay together, we're going to end up killing each other. You have to go."

Kyuubey blinked again, disturbing the both of them. "Kyouko Sakura, you are banished from this city. Leave now. I will meet you on the outskirts of town. I will find you easily, of course."

Mami cried out. "Banished? Wai-"

"It's what you desired, isn't it?" He turned his eerie gaze towards Kyouko, frightening her enough to send her staggering back a few steps.

"Kyouko, wait - please don't go yet -"

But she'd already disappeared by the time the sentence was over. Mami fell to her knees, alone once again, and suddenly painfully aware that half of her heart was now missing.


	5. Chapter 5

Kyouko was nervous for once as she slipped in through the familiar window, barely making a sound.

"Hello, Kyouko," she heard the familiarly sweet voice call out, amused as the redhead slipped in and pouted in her direction.

"Aw, that was supposed to be a dramatic entrance," Kyouko sighed in mock-frustration, flopping down on the floor across from the blonde girl, chewing on the end of yet another pocky stick. "What's going on?"

She frowned, examining her with a furrowed brow as Mami stared somewhat blankly into her tea, stirring it calmly before taking a sip. Her eyes finally met Kyouko's. "Why are you here?" she asked softly, no trace of anger or happiness, but no sign of any desire for her to leave, either.

She broke the piece of pocky with her teeth and shifted uncomfortably. "Can I have some tea too?"

Mami grinned, suddenly amused. "Sakura-chan, I know you don't like tea."

Kyouko's jaw dropped. "How can you be so casual? You should be scared of me, after all. I just broke into your apartment."

At this Mami broke out into laughter, and her light-hearted giggles cut through Kyouko, who sat up and put her elbows on the table across from her. Mami wiped tears from her eyes, still laughing.

_You're kidding,_ Kyouko thought to herself. Mami was acting so strangely. There was a long and awkward silence, and it seemed Mami was oblivious. It continued on, minute after awkward minute, Mami just smiling at her serenely. _Is she trying to get under my skin?_

Kyouko hammered her fist against the table. "SPEAK to me, damnit!" Her face was red with confused fury. The tea set shuddered violently, and Mami's face - the ever-smiling face - darkened, and in a whirlwhind flash the tea cups went flying. Golden ribbons whirled, flooding Kyouko's vision, swirling around the surprised redhead and knocking her back against the wall, hard. A sharp edge of flying ribbon whipped along her cheek, leaving a thin, long scratch, a small drop of blood forming.

Mami's yellow ribbons coiled all around her, tightening around her, fastening around her wrists and immobilizing her. The blonde girl grinned sweetly as Kyouko strained half-heartedly against the ribbon. She walked up to Kyouko slowly, drawing close enough to touch her soft lips apologetically to the cut on her cheek and lap up the little drop of blood.

"My dearest Sakura Kyouko," she blushed, brushing her fingers through Kyouko's wayward bangs. "You need to fall in love with someone else. Stop coming back here. It's not safe for either of us. But I'll always love you so very much."

Kyouko's eyes widened with the slightest hint of tears, bewildered. "M-ami.. they told me you were dead - "

Mami silenced her with a little red cupcake conjured from her sleeve, pressing it firmly in between the other girl's lips. Kyouko's appetite got the better of her, and Mami herself made her as weak in the knees as ever. She wolfed it down, cheeks flushing red, and licked the icing from the girl's fingertips. Their eyes met and she sucked the rest off of her finger, closing her eyes happily.

Suddenly the world fell out from under her feet, and she was toppling forward as Mami released the ribbons, catching the other girl in her arms and pulling her to her bed.

Tears fell from Kyouko's eyes, having jerked awake suddenly. It was a dream, but not a dream. A memory. The last time she saw Mami, before she high-tailed it out of town for what she believed to be the last time. She was laying in Mami's bed, still, reading a letter that had been left to her before she had been run off in complete exile. "I miss you, and I am very stupid for sending you away. Please don't forget me, Kyouko."

Her biggest regret was that she had still been trying to hate Mami as she lived in exile, even when Kyuubey told her. She'd always known that it might happen - so it wasn't hard to be acidic, hateful, cold and flippant on the surface when she heard the news. It's how she'd coped with everything in her life, so far: chill the emotions, keep away from them. Don't feel, and you won't hurt. Sighing, Kyouko felt grief shudder through her chest once again, wrenching and horrible, before pushing Mami Tomoe out of her mind completely, coldly, shuttering her heart to emotion entirely and falling into a miserable, blank sleep.


End file.
